yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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