which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just pee around me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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