My hand turned me down
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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