i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
