i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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