I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
