Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
