Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
