I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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