Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
