i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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