went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
