I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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