a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
