So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
