i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
