my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Say something about gay babies.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
