is your mom at the bar?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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