Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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