I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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