Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
