wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
