At least make sure they are 18
Why
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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