yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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