is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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