Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
