In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
