Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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