Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
