I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
