his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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