I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
