Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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