Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
