Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
