just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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