I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
