that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
