Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
