If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
