I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
