why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
