You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
