we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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