After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
