too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
