I need to stop coming to work sober
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
