I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
