You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
this hospital has no fireball
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
