What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Green mimosas i think yes
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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