a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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