you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
