Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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